East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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