That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone shit on the floor
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
