I think I died a long time ago.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
