If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
