I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
