So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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