Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
