Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
