Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
