he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
