So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
