He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize