Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You left your phone here
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