My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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