it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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