I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
