When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
okay pat passed out under dana's car
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
