1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
