you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize