just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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