If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
