i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
