Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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