Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
