My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
