if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
