Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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