It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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