as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
