I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
