i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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