Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
