I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
