Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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