I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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