i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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