remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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