some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
