so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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