I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
