so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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