You smell like a Billy Joel song
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize