I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
