is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
