Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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