He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
