u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
