Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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