There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize