Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
