And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We got so high we made milksteak
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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