Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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