all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
