just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
