The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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