I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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