you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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