i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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