this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
