How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize