she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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