we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize