You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
