wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
