if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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