his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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