i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
