I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my poor anus
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
