i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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