His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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